Psycho Dog Man

April 14th, 2010 by Erik

This had me laughing so hard I actually cried. This Australian guy was reenacting a dog attack for a Current Affair reporter. Quality material.

Awesome Star Trek Fight Scene

February 17th, 2010 by Erik

Another “so bad that it’s good” moment, I love the karate chop at 0:22, proceeded by the double hand back punch (is there a name for that move?). William Shatner has some pretty impressive street skills, given that he did get his butt kicked by the dino-alien-space monster. Wait, did I just spoil it?

Favorite Mitch Hedberg Jokes

February 2nd, 2010 by Erik


I was going to hold off until his birthday later this month, but couldn’t wait. I’m sure a lot of you are familiar with Mitch Hedberg, but if not…you need to check him out. The guy was a comedic genius with a delivery like no one else. With that, I thought I’d share some of my favorite Mitch jokes. RIP Mitch, you were one of a kind.

  • I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, “You’re gonna have to move, you’re blocking a fire exit.” As though if there was a fire, I wasn’t gonna run. If you’re flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
  • Advil has a candy coating. It’s delicious. Then it says on the bottle, do not have more than two. Then why do they have a candy coating? I cannot help myself. Let me have ten Advil, I have a sweet tooth.
  • One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said,”Here’s a picture of me when I was younger.” Every picture of you is when you were younger.
  • A lot of times, I’ll drive for like 10 miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn’t say a lot for me, but it really doesn’t say a lot for the emergency brake.
  • Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out fliers, and when someone tries to hand me out a flier, it’s kinda like they’re saying, “Here, you throw this away.”
  • I was walking by a dry cleaner at 3 a.m., and it said “Sorry, we’re closed.” You don’t have to be sorry. It’s 3 a.m., and you’re a dry cleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I’m not gonna walk by at ten and say, “Hey, I walked by at three, you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology.
  • This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can’t tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be hard.
  • You know, I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ‘em later.
  • When you go to a bar that has a black light, everybody looks cool. Except for me, because I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out.
  • I wish I could play little league now, I’d kick some ass.
  • I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.
  • I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
  • I find that a duck’s opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread.
  • This shirt is dry clean only. Which means…it’s dirty.

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    Chocolate and Cheese

    November 9th, 2009 by Erik

    Cadbury Creme EggNo, this is not a Ween reference. Just heard on the radio that Kraft Foods, Inc made a bid to take over Cadbury PCL, the makers of the one and only Cadbury Creme Egg. I don’t know how many people are with me, but the Cadbury Creme Egg has defined Easter ever since…well…ever. Though Kraft’s proposal was initially declined, if Cadbury were to come back with a counter offer and actually seal a deal…well, this can only mean one thing. Easter will be ruined forever.

    I can only assume that the true intentions of Kraft would be to replace the yolk of the (once delicious) creme eggs with some breed of Kraftish American cheese filling. Imagine the fallout. Sure, they might start with their traditional liquid orange cheese, which many American children are fond of, but what if they decided to move onto feta, or even roquefort. Kids, teens and adults across the world would be in for an utter disappointment.

    What can we do as humble creme egg activists? Write your local Cadbury office.

    We must act now before it’s too late!

    King Missile – Sensitive Artist

    October 29th, 2009 by Erik

    Just came across a King Missile cd in my collection, haven’t listened to it for quite a while. They have to be the most hilarious band of all time, John S. Hall’s lyrics are pure genius. Oddly enough, I was looking for a link before I posted this song and found their Myspace Page, which just happened to feature Sensitive Artist on their playlist. It was meant to be.

    “I stay home, reading books that are beneath me, and working on my work, which no one understands.”

    Is teh a word?

    October 27th, 2009 by Erik

    The word tehI try to lay off of social commentary, but this one really gets to me. According to UrbanDictionary.com, the word “the” is defined as “a common mispelling of teh”. Oh dear.

    I’m no English major, however intentional spelling errors have become a terrible fad. I understand that “teh” was adopted by the early 1337 hacker crews because someone was typing too fast, and maybe it was cool then, but this isn’t right. There’s even a Wikipedia article devoted to the word. So do I stand alone in banishing the word “teh”? Feel free to comment below.

    How to save money by making your own trim and baseboard

    October 25th, 2009 by Erik

    Step 1: Cut down about 10 good sized cedar trees, cut logs into 20 ft sections.
    Step 2: Rent an excavator and stack (or deck up) the logs, let them sit for 1 year.
    Step 3: Hire a mobile sawmill to come out and cut your logs into 1×4, 1×6, 1×8…whatever fits your needs.
    Step 4: Stack your wood in a dry covered place with stickers between each layer, let them dry again for 4-6 months.
    Step 5: Run each board through a planer, at least 3 times to your desired thickness. Due to the sawmill and drying process, thickness will vary.
    Step 6: Run each board through your tablesaw on the left edge to straighten one side.
    Step 7: Run each board through your tablesaw on the right edge to straighten the other side.
    Step 8: Assuming your planer did a pretty good job of smoothing the face, sand the faces of each board with 120+ grit sandpaper.
    Step 9: Assuming your table saw left blade marks on the edges of your boards, sand each edge with 80 grit sandpaper.
    Step 10: Now you sand the edges of each boards with 120+ grit sandpaper.
    Step 11: Wipe each board down with a damp tack rag to remove sawdust.
    Step 12: Add a finish product of your choice, make sure you get both edges of your boards. Let dry.
    Step 13: Lightly sand your finish with steel wool or fine grit (like 500) sandpaper.
    Step 14: Wipe each board down with a damp tack rag.
    Step 15: Repeat step 12.
    Step 16: Repeat step 13.
    Step 17: Repeat step 14.
    Step 18: Repeat step 12, if necessary.
    Step 19: Repeat step 13, if necessary.
    Step 20: Repeat step 14, if necessary.

    Your trim is now ready to use!

    Cost of what trim would have been from the lumber yard: $5,000
    Cost of doing it yourself, including labor paid at less than minimum wage: $4,997
    Total savings: $3
    Value of doing all of the work yourself: Under $3 at this point.